We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
