my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
