dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
