it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
