someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
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We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
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Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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