He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
