the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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