I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
