proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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