i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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