Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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