can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
that is very illegal...i love you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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