just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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