youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You ruined the universe
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
