Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He better not be in your backpack
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
