Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
