i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
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I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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