wrigley field is MILF paradise
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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