im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
