I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
