I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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