True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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