Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
