Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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