I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
