I can text with my tongue
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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