I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
