You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
