you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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