I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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