It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
