after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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