Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
