I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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