Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
