Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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