how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
