A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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