help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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