Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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