Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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