This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
