the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
