96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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