Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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