yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
