so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
