i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
