my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
