just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
