Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
