These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
