Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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