he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
