It's Friday. Sex?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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