Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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