He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
