she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
