hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
