Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
