He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
