I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
