i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
