Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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