Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
