i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
