So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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