my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Drunk is a universal language darling
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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