do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
